i was talking to a guy and he said “if there were no laws you could be raped at any point of the day” and i replied with “yeah and i could retaliate by stabbing the rapist, hey i mean there are no laws” and he said “rape isn’t that bad, stabbing someone is a little over dramatic” wtf.
PAINT YOUR NAILS WITH HIS BLOOD.
Oh, come on! Another drill?
PLEASE SPREAD THIS LIKE WILD FIRE
Shit happened to Ferguson is happening in Hong Kong right now!
Students were just protesting peacefully for genuine democracy around Admiralty and Central, yet the police forced used pepper spray, tear gas and violence to disperse the crowd. According to the protesters, the police even raided a first aid booth with pepper spray.
there’s a comic book store in my town that gives ladies a 10% discount and the people who work there are really friendly so lots of ladies show up to hang out and buy comics and one time i was looking through some new releases and this guy walked in, saw all the ladies, did a double take, and said really loudly and condescendingly, ‘there sure are a lot of girls in here for a comic store!’ and laughed but no one else laughed with him and it was glorious
so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!
here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:
disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.
sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.
so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—
here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:
- it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.
so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.
EXCEPT, OF COURSE:
- you have to pay for pay per view.
so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”
- AS A FAMILY.
and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.
"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"
as a reminder, a quick table survey:
- my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
- my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
- my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
- me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography
my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”
my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.
my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”
- WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?
"don’t expose my kid to that crap."
- MY KID
- TO THAT CRAP
"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."
- I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
- IN THE LIVING ROOM
but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?
- are you fucking kidding
- i did not want to go to porn prison
the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:
- my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
- my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
- my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences
but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?
- are you fucking kidding
- this is the best thing i’ve ever done
what an amazing story
Someone get this lady a book deal because I want to read Tolstoy length books by her.
Yes, lets go fight magneto. in my metal wheelchair, via my metal airship, with my metal wolverine to protect me. i see no way this could ever go wrong.
here’s to harold
the most sensible person in creepypasta
bless u harold
harold’s got his shit together
There’s also a llama
Hades speaks to me on a spiritual level
why does tumblr always relate to the satan of every fandom
Because it’s easier to identify with a flawed character then some kind of ultra human the hero normally is portrayed as.
Possibly also because Satan figures in media typically live in dark holes in the ground, spend most of their time laughing at others’ misfortunes, and communicate primarily by means of passive-aggressive snark.
That last comment
Let’s remember, Jesus was a Jewish man of color, born homeless to an unwed teenager, who spent his formative years as an illegal immigrant before returning to his home country to hang out with twelve men, prostitutes, and socially untouchable tax collectors while he taught a radical social doctrine of equality, love, and forgiveness that included paying taxes, free healthcare, and the sharing of resources within a community.
canon Jesus is better than fandom Jesus
What the fuck is a goldfish doing in the ocean
Well Tumblr it’s that time of the year again. It’s heart breaking I even have to remind people of this.
As we approach the Halloween season if you have a black cat [especially an indoor/outdoor one] it’s time to make sure they stay inside. Unfortunately around this time of the year people think it’s funny to harass and harm them. It makes me sick to my stomach but some people even go as far as to ‘sacrifice’ them. Most adoption groups won’t even adopt them out during this month. I’ve even heard of people trying to harass them when they see them sitting in windows of houses. It’s horrible and not funny but it’s important to protect them.
So if you or anyone you know has a black cat make sure they are aware of where the cat is. And if you see anyone hurting or harassing them [or any cat!] speak up, they can’t do it for themselves.
Reblogging because I’d cut a bitch if they hurt my baby boy, Ninja
This honestly made me tear up. Imagining how great he must have felt that his planned worked and choosing that risk paid off.
I also feel like him and the model have such good chemistry, they’re always so kind and loving to one another.
Holy shit what did he do?? That’s rad as hell!
Since the runway was going to have simulated rain, he wanted to make the outfit become colorful because of it rather than deflect it. He sewed dye into the seams and once the rain hit it the dye ran! Very simple but super effective. He was one of the two winners of that challenge.
Absolutely brilliant. Holy shit.